BIZAARE LOVE TRIANGLE: Anatomy of a Cheating Husband

I chanced upon this while I was trying to seek for answers as to why this unfortunate incident happened to me (or us). As of this writing though, I'd like to tell you that all's well with me and the other girl involved. Now that I have brought this out in the open, I just want to share with this article based from an episode in Oprah regarding CHEATING HUSBANDS.

Read on and hope you learn something from it:

When Your Husband Cheats with Your Best Friend

It's every wife's worst nightmare. The ultimate betrayal—what would you do?
When your husband cheats with your best friend

From The Oprah Winfrey Show "When Your Husband Cheats with Your Best Friend"

Chandra remembers the day she married David as a "beautiful" winter wedding, complete with the perfect dress, great friends and family. Years later, David and Chandra, parents to three young children, continue to surround themselves with trusted friends.

Over the years, Chandra says one friend in particular became a big part of her life. "I felt like her big sister in a way," she says. "[David and I] went camping with her and her husband. … I trusted her." When Chandra's best friend moved away with her husband and baby, Chandra was heartbroken. Not long after the move, the friend and her baby came to visit David and Chandra. Upon their arrival, Chandra says something seemed off. "She almost seemed mad at me, like I was kind of in her way, and I was irritating to her," she says.

Chandra also noticed that David was spending a lot of time alone with her friend. "In the back of my mind I thought, 'Okay, something's not right.' I just had a feeling … a gut feeling." Then came the bombshell. Chandra read her best friend's diary and discovered that she was having an affair with David.

At first, Chandra's best friend and husband denied that their affair was physical. Then, Chandra learned the truth. David says he never had feelings for the other woman until she moved away. Then, he started chatting with her online and their relationship progressed from a friendship into something more. "I confided in her instead of my wife," David says. "It happened very quickly because we knew each other. It wasn't like I was meeting somebody off the street. [She and her husband] were our best friends, and I knew what she was like."

The emotional affair became physical just three days after Chandra's best friend and her baby arrived for a visit, David says. David says he slept with Chandra's friend multiple times during her visit—once in a car and once in their home…while his wife was upstairs.

"I could have bet a million dollars [that] this would have never happened to me," Chandra says. "Let alone with a close friend." After nine years of marriage, David says he strayed because he felt boxed in and didn't feel like he was heard in his marriage. While Chandra tried controlling him, David says the other woman made him feel good about himself, helped his self-esteem and told him the things that he wanted to hear. Now, David realizes he's "a very selfish person" and wants more discipline in his life.

"I do want to be controlled because I'm not in control of myself," he says. "It's about pride for me. I've got a pride issue that I've got to deal with." Since the affair, David has also had trouble reconciling his actions with his beliefs. "This has been a real moral bomb in my life. I'm a church-going, Bible-believing person, you know? Morally it hurts me. I said to my wife last night it feels like cancer."

Psychologist Dr. Robin Smith says pride isn't David's problem…it's anger. "Affairs are often full of rage and hostility," Dr. Robin says. "They are a way that people communicate, without saying a word." Instead of looking back through his marriage for the root of his problems, Dr. Robin tells David to think back even further. "All of us get wounded in childhood.

You did not create this kind of self-destruction in your life, in your wife's life, in the lives of your children without a wound starting in childhood," she says. "Who pulled the rug from underneath you? That's what you've done to your family, and we learn that behavior somewhere. … Someone teaches us how to be mean." "I love my father, but my father … he doesn't listen to my mom," David says.

"He doesn't respect her. He doesn't listen to anybody." Dr. Robin says David's childhood pain is the real cancer in his life. David's tearful admission is the beginning of his healing, she says. "The fact that you just spoke that truth, now you're on your way to freedom."

David says he has not been in contact with Chandra's friend since their affair was exposed. "I have no desire to ever talk to that woman again," he says. "I do love my wife. I do know it's about me and my problems."

Dr. Robin says David also needs to learn to love himself so that he doesn't fall victim to the "fantasy" of an affair again. "[An affair is] an illusion. It's not real. She's not real. Whatever she told you about yourself is not real," she says. "Your low self-esteem must be healed from the inside out, and your wife can be a partner in helping you heal, but she can't heal you." Chandra says her marriage is still on shaky ground, but she and David are trying to make it work. "There's a lot of hurt there, and there's a lot of betrayal," she says. "We're working on it. But, you know what? I want to see him be who I know he can be."