ON MY OWN

“Try It On My Own”

I’m wiser now
I’m not the foolish girl you used to know
So long ago
I’m stronger now
I’ve learned from my mistakes which way to go
And I should know
I put myself aside to do it your way
But now I need to do it all alone

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don’t care if I’m right or wrong
I’ll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I’ll keep it real you know
Time for me to do it on my own
Yeah yeah, mmm, yeah yeah

It’s over now
I can’t go back to living through your eyes
Too many lies
And if you don’t know by now
I can’t go back to being someone else
Not anymore
I never had a chance to do things my way
So now it’s time for me to take control

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don’t care if I’m right or wrong
I’ll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I’m gonna keep it real you know
Time for me to do it

Oh I start again go back to one
I’m running things my way
Can’t stop me now, I’ve just begun
Don’t even think about it
There ain’t no way about it
I’m taking names, the ones of mine
Yes I’m gonna take my turn
It’s time for me to finally stand alone, stand alone

I am not afraid to try it on my own
And I don’t care if I’m right or wrong
I’ll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I’m gonna keep it real you know
It’s time for me to do it
See I’m not afraid

To do it on my own…

BIZAARE LOVE TRIANGLE: Anatomy of a Cheating Husband

I chanced upon this while I was trying to seek for answers as to why this unfortunate incident happened to me (or us). As of this writing though, I'd like to tell you that all's well with me and the other girl involved. Now that I have brought this out in the open, I just want to share with this article based from an episode in Oprah regarding CHEATING HUSBANDS.

Read on and hope you learn something from it:

When Your Husband Cheats with Your Best Friend

It's every wife's worst nightmare. The ultimate betrayal—what would you do?
When your husband cheats with your best friend

From The Oprah Winfrey Show "When Your Husband Cheats with Your Best Friend"

Chandra remembers the day she married David as a "beautiful" winter wedding, complete with the perfect dress, great friends and family. Years later, David and Chandra, parents to three young children, continue to surround themselves with trusted friends.

Over the years, Chandra says one friend in particular became a big part of her life. "I felt like her big sister in a way," she says. "[David and I] went camping with her and her husband. … I trusted her." When Chandra's best friend moved away with her husband and baby, Chandra was heartbroken. Not long after the move, the friend and her baby came to visit David and Chandra. Upon their arrival, Chandra says something seemed off. "She almost seemed mad at me, like I was kind of in her way, and I was irritating to her," she says.

Chandra also noticed that David was spending a lot of time alone with her friend. "In the back of my mind I thought, 'Okay, something's not right.' I just had a feeling … a gut feeling." Then came the bombshell. Chandra read her best friend's diary and discovered that she was having an affair with David.

At first, Chandra's best friend and husband denied that their affair was physical. Then, Chandra learned the truth. David says he never had feelings for the other woman until she moved away. Then, he started chatting with her online and their relationship progressed from a friendship into something more. "I confided in her instead of my wife," David says. "It happened very quickly because we knew each other. It wasn't like I was meeting somebody off the street. [She and her husband] were our best friends, and I knew what she was like."

The emotional affair became physical just three days after Chandra's best friend and her baby arrived for a visit, David says. David says he slept with Chandra's friend multiple times during her visit—once in a car and once in their home…while his wife was upstairs.

"I could have bet a million dollars [that] this would have never happened to me," Chandra says. "Let alone with a close friend." After nine years of marriage, David says he strayed because he felt boxed in and didn't feel like he was heard in his marriage. While Chandra tried controlling him, David says the other woman made him feel good about himself, helped his self-esteem and told him the things that he wanted to hear. Now, David realizes he's "a very selfish person" and wants more discipline in his life.

"I do want to be controlled because I'm not in control of myself," he says. "It's about pride for me. I've got a pride issue that I've got to deal with." Since the affair, David has also had trouble reconciling his actions with his beliefs. "This has been a real moral bomb in my life. I'm a church-going, Bible-believing person, you know? Morally it hurts me. I said to my wife last night it feels like cancer."

Psychologist Dr. Robin Smith says pride isn't David's problem…it's anger. "Affairs are often full of rage and hostility," Dr. Robin says. "They are a way that people communicate, without saying a word." Instead of looking back through his marriage for the root of his problems, Dr. Robin tells David to think back even further. "All of us get wounded in childhood.

You did not create this kind of self-destruction in your life, in your wife's life, in the lives of your children without a wound starting in childhood," she says. "Who pulled the rug from underneath you? That's what you've done to your family, and we learn that behavior somewhere. … Someone teaches us how to be mean." "I love my father, but my father … he doesn't listen to my mom," David says.

"He doesn't respect her. He doesn't listen to anybody." Dr. Robin says David's childhood pain is the real cancer in his life. David's tearful admission is the beginning of his healing, she says. "The fact that you just spoke that truth, now you're on your way to freedom."

David says he has not been in contact with Chandra's friend since their affair was exposed. "I have no desire to ever talk to that woman again," he says. "I do love my wife. I do know it's about me and my problems."

Dr. Robin says David also needs to learn to love himself so that he doesn't fall victim to the "fantasy" of an affair again. "[An affair is] an illusion. It's not real. She's not real. Whatever she told you about yourself is not real," she says. "Your low self-esteem must be healed from the inside out, and your wife can be a partner in helping you heal, but she can't heal you." Chandra says her marriage is still on shaky ground, but she and David are trying to make it work. "There's a lot of hurt there, and there's a lot of betrayal," she says. "We're working on it. But, you know what? I want to see him be who I know he can be."

FINDING OUT THE HARD WAY

A year ago I had a blog entry here about a boyfriend who has a girl bestfriend and they were so close the bf's girlfriend started to doubt their closeness. Turns out that the gf's suspicions were true. You can just imagine how the girlfriend's world crumbled down to find out she was actually the last one to know. And so I dedicated this to her..for him...and vice versa...

Finding Out The Hard Way - Cynthia Rhodes

I can't take all the blame, now can I
It takes more than one to lose such a fine line
That lies between, that holds together
I'll turn the night to turn the tide, oh! ...

Chorus:
And I'm, findin' out the hard way
It's gonna take some tears
A little bit of heartache
We're like islands in the stream
Watchin' all our dreams start to fade
Fadin' away ...

A moment gone is gone forever
It's like water through your hands
And you go spin the wheel of misfortune
Watchin' in turn, with livin' you learn
And oh!
(Repeat chorus)

Bridge:
I keep reachin' out
I've come up empty handed
And then I let you down
But then I leave you stranded
(Repeat chorus)
Adlib:

And I'm, findin' out the hard way
It's gonna take some tears
A little bit of heartache
We're like islands in the stream
Watchin' all our dreams
Start to fade, fade away ...
(Repeat chorus)

Start to fade, fade away
Start to fade, fade away

CHUGI 2

As for me, pagpasok ko ng Tuesday ay binulaga rin ako ng de putang singkit na manager. Hindi ako nagpabulaga. Puta ka, manager ka nga pero di mo ko kayang paikutin sabi ko sa sarili ko. Gagawin raw nila akong MANAGEMENT SECRETARY. Whaddafuck?!? Eto ang conversation namin:

DPSM (go figure): Pearl I’m sure you already know all about this…
ME: (Poker face) Uh-huh
DPSM: We decided to place you in the Management as Secretary.
ME: Are you serious? You tell me first why you dissolved the Training Department without prior notice. You know, without informing us beforehand.
DPSM: It was the management’s decision. It’s called redundancy. We felt that we could just actuallly tap the team leaders to do the training instead.
ME: What happens to my people then?
DPSM: They’ll go back to Operations and start calling again (sic).
ME: This is really bad, Ms._________. This is unfair. These people worked so hard and they were able to produce quality agents. I’m sure you’re aware of that.
DPSM: Yes, yes of course.
ME: Then why the sudden decision? You didn’t give them ample time to absorb and think about it!
DPSM: Im sorry about that. But it’s really Boss’ (CEO) decision.
ME: I’m not sure if I could take your offer. I’m sorry but I wouldn’t sign that document (movement form).
DPSM: But you already had enough time yesterday to think it over because you were also informed by your colleagues about it right?
ME: Yes but I also have the right to weigh things first right?
DPSM: Okay then we’ll give you time to decide and let’s talk again before the end of the day.
ME: I’ll have to talk to the HR Manager first.
DPSM: Sure.

So hayun.Hindi ko pinirmahan yung Notice of Personnel Action (NPA) na tinatawag. Nakasaad duon na ililipat ako ng posisyon from SENIOR TRAINER to MANAGEMENT SECRETARY.
Kita nyo naman ang difference di ba? Klarong-klaro na demotion yun. Pucha, hindi ako nag-aral ng apat na taon sa kolehiyo at naghirap sa Master’s degree ko para utus-utusan ako ng mga lecheng managers ng kumpanya. I’ve nothing against secretaries, pero alam ko naman ang kalibre ko at hindi ko minsan plinanong magsekretarya. Ipilit ba!

Next kong kinausap ang bobang HR manager namin na kinamumuhian din ng kanyang mga sariling subordinates dahil daig pa ang Malabanan sa sipsipan. Kinumbinse nya rin akong pirmahan ang form.

BHRM (go figure again): Pearl ano na desisyon mo? Ganito kase yun. Nakita kase namin yung credentials mo at alam naming chicken feed lang sa yo yung job. Kesa wala di ba? Mahihirapan ka maghanap ng work kase Pasko…hindi nagtatanggapan…
ME: Yun nga problema eh. Ginipit nyo kami! Yung mga tao ko walang choice kase mga wala pang experience yan sa labas. Kaya takot magresign. Ma’am unfair labor practice ito! Kung ganito pala ang mangyayari sana may one month notice man lang kayo. You can look it up in the Labor Code if you want.
BHRM: (Silent for a few minutes) Redundancy ang tawag sa ganitong move Pearl (Pucha kayo kaya ang redundant!) Saka di naman sila madidisplace eh.
ME: So yung kaso ko paano? Are you still going to give me the same rate?
BHRM: Of course naman (Talagang of course dahil for sure naisip nyo na na mayayari kayo sa DOLE pag nagkataon. Hmmm…nag-iisip kahit paano…)
ME: Ok ganito na lang.
At this point nag-isip ako nang matindi. Ayokong madisplace ng alanganin. Pag nagresign ako hindi ko pa make claim kaagad ang 13th month pay ko which is on the 20th. (December 15th at that time) Next month pa yun maibibigay sa ‘ken.

ME: Gagawin ko yung inoffer nyong job sa ken pero I’ll file my resignation effective December 20th. For the mean time I won’t sign that form. (Shempre ayokong matali ng ano mang contract. Neknek nila.)
BHRM: Sige, sige. I understand.
ME: Okay. Thank you.

Akala siguro nila mga tanga kame. Naipit lang kami sa sitwasyon. Feeling ko pati timing plinano. Magte-13th month pay na. Hindi agad-agad yan aalis, sabi siguro nila. Pero eventually we’ll get rid of them. Hayup sila. I’m sure karmang bonggang-bongga ang mangyayari sa mga responsableng demonyo na ‘yan. Malinaw na malinaw sa amin ang totoong dahilan. Nalulugi na ang kumpanya at nagbabawas na sila ng mga tao.Dahil hindi kami napakikinabangan directly in terms of production, ‘lam nyo na, PERA, we were the first to go. Pero di kami papayag na aalis kaming walang dignidad. Lalaban kami kung kinakailangan.

CHUGI

Anong mararamdaman mo kung isang araw magigising ka na lang at malalaman mong dinissolve na ang inyong departamento at ang mga kasama mo ay isa-isang pinadala sa iba’t-ibang grupo tapos ikaw inilagay ka sa isang posisyong ni sa hinagap ay di mo akalaing paglalagyan mo?

Ganyan ang nangyari sa ‘min Lunes ng linggong ito. Absent ako nun kase may sakit ako. Pinatawag yung mga tao namin. Nga pala, FYI, nasa Training Department kami nabibilang. Naunang kinausap yung head namin na tinuring na naming tatay dahil sobrang bait nya- professional yet very approachable at galante. Nagtaka yung mga kasama ko kung bakit. Tapos sila na yung kinausap nung singkit na manager at yun nga ibinalita na bubuwagin na ang Training at ibabalik ang mga trainers sa Operations department na kinabilangan nila nuon. Pilit nilang inalam kung ano talaga ang rason. Kesyo redundancy na raw dahil sa kanya-kanyang teams, tinuturuan na rin naman ang mga agents ng kanilang mga leaders while on the floor. Tang ina…eh yung mga team leaders na yun karamihan sa kanila mga pulpol at ang nag-train sa kanila nuon ay hindi kami kundi mga Pinoy na managers na nagmamagaling at kahit na ang tawag ng isang manager sa “mirror”ay “meror” at ang “pillow” ay “pelow”. Iginiit pa nya dati sa amin na mali kami ng sinabi naming “increase in the SALES” at sinabi nya na dapat raw ay “increase in the SELLS”.Putangna talaga.

Anyway, wala ngang nasabing valid reason ang de putang singkit na manager. At ang foul pa duon, pinagdesisyon sila right there and then kung willing silang bumalik sa operations or they have to go. Shet. Pinagawa sila ng isang desisyon na babago sa career nila sa luob lamang ng limang minuto.In other words ginipit sila. Isipin nyo you live and breathe Training tapos in a matter of minutes bigla nilang hihigupin yung buhay mo sa ‘yo? Di ba mega bad trip yun?

Umiiyak sila at humahagulgol na nagdesisyon na magpalipat na lang kase nga nagipit. Magpapasko pa naman. Lateral transfer raw yun.Punyeta. Paanong magiging “lateral transfer”kung lumalabas na parang “demotion” ang nangyari since mas mataas talaga kung tutuusin ang trainers sa agents? Kasingkitid ng mga mata ng mga putang managers na yan ang kanilang mga utak. Dagdag mo pa yung mga lecheng Pinoy managers na walang mga bayag para mag-isip at kumontra sa desisyong ito. Hindi ba nila naisip na mas angat ang katalinuhan namin sa kanila at puwede namin silang kasuhan sa kagaguhan nila?