KANDILA

"Ngunit bawa't puso'y naglalakbay
Dumarating sa sangandaan
Aling landas ang susundin ng puso?
Saan ka liligaya? Saan mabibigo?
Saan ka tutungo?"

- SANGANDAAN
Inanglaya

Tumanda na naman ako. Isang kandila na naman ang nadagdag sa mga hinipan ko. At habang tinititigan ko ang liwanag na nagmumula sa mga kandilang nakasindi, may parang kumukurot sa puso kong naghahatid ng pangamba sa hinaharap. Sa tatlumpu't limang taon na inilagi ko sa mundong ito, naging makabuluhan kaya ang lahat ng nangyari at ginawa ko sa buhay ko?

Maraming beses na kong nagkamali, nadapa, bumangon, nadapa uli, bumangon. Hindi naman ako natututo. Pero napapansin ko lang na sa mga ganitong sitwasyon ay tumitibay ako at patuloy na lumalaban sa mga dumaragsang hamon ng buhay. May mga bagay akong natututunan habang nararanasan ko ang mapapait na pangyayaring ito. Nasusumpungan ko ang mga katangiang taglay ko at mas nakikilala ko ang aking sarili. Madalas kaysa hindi na ako'y magkamali sa aking mga desisyon na pinagsisihan ko sa bandang huli. Ngunit taas noo ko pa ring masasabi na sa kabila nito ay buo pa rin ang aking pagkatao.

May mga taong nakasama ko nang matagal at sa biglang iglap lang ay nawala. Masakit, ngunit kailangang tanggapin na isa na lamang sila sa mga matatamis na alaalang itatago ko na lamang sa aking puso. May mga tao rin namang nagbalik sa buhay ko at nanatili na upang ipagpatuloy ang anumang damdaming nasadlak nuong una. Wala akong dapat pagsisihan sapagkat ngayon ay sumidhi pa ang damdaming ito at mas naging aalab.

Marahil nga ay naging makabuluhan ang paglalakbay ko. Walang nasayang na sandali. Walang pagsisisi. Nasa sangandaan pa rin naman ako; lahat naman ng tao ay ganun din. Patuloy na tumatahak sa mga sanga-sangang landas. Kailangan lang talagang maging matatag. Kailangang handa sa mga masusukal na daan. Pasasaan ba't sa dulo ng daanang ito ay naroon ang liwanag na sasalubong at aakap sa akin.

ANG DUYAN NI PAPA IPE

*reprinted po from PEYUPS.COM. It was one of my articles which got published in the said site. I changed my *penname for private reasons :-) It's my lolo's death anniversary so i just thought this would be an appropriate tribute for him :-)


Ang Duyan ni Papa Ipe
by: *PERLAS
http://www.peyups.com

Siguro mga sampung taong gulang ako noon nang pumunta kami sa Bicol para bisitahin namin ang aming lolo at lola-mga magulang ng tatay ko. Nuong maliit pa ako, madalas silang sunduin ng tatay ko para magbakasyon sa Maynila pero sa pagkakataong ito, kami naman ang bumisita sa kanila.

Isang linggo kami sa Bicol. Masaya pa ako noong mga unang tatlong araw, pero unti-unti, nabagot ako. Sanay kasi ako sa magulo at maingay na paligid. Wala pa silang TV noon, radyo lang. Kaya para sa isang batang katulad ko na lumaki sa Maynila, madali akong nabagot. Napansin siguro ni Papa Ipe (ang aking lolo) na malungkot ako noong mga oras na iyon.

"Gusto mo, gawan kita ng duyan?", wika ni Papa Ipe.

Nabigla ako. Tahimik at walang imik kasi ang lolo kong ito. Pamasid-masid lang. Hindi nga siya gaanong magiliw sa mga apo niya.

Tumango ako. "Sige po, Papa." Pero sabi ko sa sarili ko, ano naman ang magagawa ng duyan? Mababawasan ba ang pagkalungkot ko pag sumakay ako diyan?

Maya-maya, bumalik siya sa aking tabi, may hawak-hawak na duyang yari sa abaca na hinabi. Yun bang nabibili mo sa Albay. Tapos lumabas kami ng bahay patungo sa hardin na pinaliligiran ng mga punong mangga. Ikinabit niya ang magkabilang dulo ng duyan at saka niya ako pinasakay. Tapos ay itinulak niya ito ng dahan-dahan. Ang sarap pala dito,bulong ko sa aking sarili.

"O, nagustuhan mo ba?" wika ni Papa Ipe.

"Opo. Salamat po," nakangiting sagot ko.

Ang dalawang nalalabing araw ko sa Bicol ay naging makabuluhan at masaya. Kapag nasa duyan ako, nandoon naman si Papa Ipe na nagkukuwento ng buhay niya habang inuugoy ako. Marami kaming napagkuwentuhan -- yung panliligaw niya kay lola, yung pagsasalo nilang pamilya tuwing tanghalian at hapunan (isang dosena ang kanilang anak), yung mga karanasan nila nung giyera, at kung anu-ano pa. Doon ko lamang nakita si Papa Ipeng madaldal at puno ng buhay. Minsan sa sobrang pagkukuwento niya ay nakakatulog ako.

Kasalukuyan. Naalala ko ang kabanatang ito nang bumisita kami sa bagong bahay ng mga magulang ko sa Cavite. Dinala kasi ng kapatid ko yung kanyang duyan na binili sa Albay. Humahanap kami ng magandang puwesto para mapagkabitan nito. Nang ikinabit na ng tatay ko sa dalawang puno ng mangga ang duyan ay humiga ako at nagpaugoy sa kanya. Parang nakikita ko muli si Papa Ipeng nakangiti at punung-puno ng buhay sa kaniyang mga kuwento.

"Pa, pag nagkaanak ako, iduyan mo rin siya dito ha?" sabi ko sa aking ama.

Siguro'y nabigla siya sa aking nabanggit. Sabay tingin at ngumiti sa akin. "Oo ba. Siyempre naman," wika ni tatay.

Sayang. Sana pati ang magiging anak ko ay maiugoy ni Papa Ipe sa duyan. Kaya lang wala na siya.



* * * * * * *

This article is from Peyups.com - The UP Online Community
Please include the author's name and the source of this article when copying or sending this article.

SAYANG SIYA...

* I was trying to retrieve my old blogs in my previous journal when I chanced upon this particular entry that I wrote a few years ago. It seemed to have sparked the GABRIELA in me so I'd like to dedicate this to all the women out there- whether she's a professional, a student, a factory worker, or a "G.R.O."- we should not, in any way, be violated nor used as a merchandise by some dude out there who takes advantage of our gender.
Weakness can not be equated with womanhood. Never.

* * *

I was hopelessly and desperately waiting for an FX to ride in (as always) last Saturday when I chanced upon this very charming lady, in her teens, I guess, approaching each and every man that comes along her way and with her sweetest, enticing smile, she'd greet them with "Hi! I'm...(didn't get her name)". Some of the guys would only smile back and some would try to spark a conversation. Now there was one fellow, who looks decent enough for me and might have been charmed by this pretty lass so he sort of followed the girl, (who's now ready to go with him) but eventually changed his mind when a suspicious-looking fag approached them and mumbled something. I guess he scared the potential customer off.

I could've stayed longer to observe all these goings-on but a slick, maroon Adventure stopped in front of me, its driver holding a sign that read "*****". Since I was there for half an hour already and my varicose veins have gone berserk, I decided to hop in beside the driver. The FX lingered on the same spot for a few minutes so he could pick up more passengers. Perhaps the driver noticed me looking intently at the poor girl's direction (now talking to a D.O.M.! Eeewww!!!).

"Mam, maraming ganyan dito sa kahabaan ng Aurora. Mga bata pa yung iba".

"Talaga? Nanghihinayang nga ako dyan sa batang yan o. Ang ganda pa naman. Sana nag-artista na lang siya", I commented.

"Oo nga ho eh. Sayang siya", the driver added.

Sayang. Yeah, I think that's the right word. This girl should've been in school, wearing a decent uniform, and enjoying her college life; but the pangs of reality bite. Perhaps she needed money to support her family- and the easiest way to get it is to sell her young, innocent body.

Something was stirred in my heart. I wanted to reach out to her and take her instead; away from the madness she's in right now. I want to talk her out of the mess she got herself into. However, I'm in no position to do that; 'lest I wanted to get into trouble myself (she might be under a syndicate or something.) Well, I'm a woman. And we should no be violated in any way. One day, I hope, I won't see her around in that area anymore. I just wish and pray she'll be reedeemed from that hell.

TAWA NEMEN JEN!!!

I gave this as a lesson to one of my Korean students who's already in the advanced level; that means he can already appreciate western humor. Most of these are grammatically-incorrect signs that you see in hotels, roads, and other establishments found all over the world. You would notice that these funny signs are located in countries that do not consider English as their lingua franca. (Surprisingly though, there was one sign that had poor grammar written all over it and it's in the United States! Washington D.C.!)

Anyway, I guess some of you had come across these signs in your email or in surfing the net one way or the other, but, hey, let's all have a good laugh at these! :-)

WHY I GOT DITCHED

My friends are still wondering why I suddenly lost the position I've longed been aiming for. In fact most of them are not yet aware that I'm not in the academe anymore. Anyway, this is what actually happened....

I got the job last September. It was totally unexpected coz' at that time I was teaching in another school as a substitute teacher. I filed my application way back January so when the school owner called, I was like, "This is rather embarassing, ma'am, but which school is this? And for what position did I apply for?" She said, SCHOOL COORDINATOR. "Oh, okay. Sorry I thought it was already filled." To cut the long story short, she asked me to see her for an interview.

The owner was still in her 30's. We clicked the first time we met. So eventually, I accepted her offer after discussing all the compensation, benefits, etc. I started working on the documents, blank forms, the curriculum, the hiring of teachers, mutli-tasking to the max, since we haven't got any staff yet coz' it's an entirely new school. We had meetings with the rest of the board, and conceptualized everything. It's a dream come true for me. I always wanted to put up my own school.

Come January 2006. Someone sent over her resume' over our Jobstreet account.I was really impressed after running through her profile so I decided to set an interview and a demo teaching with her. She was definitely good. I told her that I'm giving her the free hand in the pre-school department since that was her forte'; plus, she also has a managerial background. Perfect.

Fate would have it when the owner found out she was a distant relative. (Let's call her Ms. R). For the next few days I observed that she has manipulative tendencies when one time, she started insisting that the pre-school curriculum be changed. I was a little insulted but I gave her the chance to justify her opinion. I studied the possibilities and gave her the nod.

Later on she started doing her own thing and I realized I am losing my authority over her. Then I found out that the owner and she began meeting in the latter's house for some "cousin bonding". I've nothing against it, except that, sometimes they would plan things about the school and then I was the last person to know. That really hurt- as a professional and as the designated school coordinator. Oftentimes the decision has been made already even before my opinion was consulted.

Our hired teachers would later complain about Ms. R's attitude. There was even one teacher who had a shouting match with her because she became very pakialamera already even with the grade school department which I was handling at that time while looking for someone to head it. I talked to MS. R and to the teacher, arranged a meeting with them, hoping to patch everything up. I stopped myself from confronting her yet about her "manipulative" streaks coz' I still want to gather more evidences of her actions.

Suffice it to say that she became so irritating that I decided to talk to the owner about it. And surprise! surprise! The owner called me over to the office, and broke the news.

OWNER: Pearl, I've something to tell you...
ME: Is there a problem? Coz' I also wanted to talk to you about something.
OWNER: I hope you won't take it against me but....would you mind giving up the
position for Ms. R?
ME: (dazed) Huh?? Did I do anything for you to decide like that?
OWNER: Well, nothing really...in fact, you were very effective and I am
grateful for the hard work...
ME: Well,then, give me a valid reason why I should step down.
OWNER: (hesitant to speak) Ahhmmm...it seems that Ms. R is stricter and more
capable for the position...she has a stronger personality...
ME: Is that final?
OWNER: I talked with my brothers (school board members) and they agreed...hey,
it's not because she's a relative...
ME: Yeah, yeah, sorry but that's what's running inside my mind...well, then, if
that's the case, I won't accept your offer and I'm leaving the school. I
don't wanna work in an environment like this...

(I opted to keep my mouth shut to prevent myself from speaking ill to them)

OWNER: Pearl, thank you....
ME: No...thank you.. (for insulting my profession and my character)

I left the office with a heavy heart. She was dumfounded as I was. I packed my things, waited for 4:00 pm, and left without saying a word, totally wrecked and heartbroken. I felt a sign flashing over my head saying "Loser! Loser!" Whaddaheck. You don't deserve me. I don't deserve to be a part of this sh*tty institution.

Survivor that I am, (of course with the help of my Father up there in the heavenlies) I looked for a new job the next day, filed my applications, and in the next few days, I got accepted as an online tutor.

No regrets.

I'm happy and contented with where I am now. And yeah, as of this writing, Ms. R has fired a security guard (for arguing with her), a teacher (yeah, you guessed it right, for arguing with her) and another teacher for not speaking English fluently.

And to that school owner, I say, GOOD LUCK NA LANG. Thanks for letting me go.